Ted

Speaking of Christy and pearls of wisdom, I was reminded anew of her exhortations against judging books by their internet covers today.

Meet Ted: 6'4'', 32 years old, blue eyes, scruffy/wavy hair, one-dimpled smile (what is it with all the men?!?), very charming and funny via email. I met him today for lunch. It may have been the single most painfully awkward date of my life, but I don't know. There was just NOTHING there. We tried to talk. We tried to laugh. I tried to eat shrimp (no use, they still taste like cooked thumbs to me). He was impossibly cute and I was impossibly charming. But there it was at face value: he was nothing like Internet Ted.

Internet Ted wrote me witty and interesting facebook messages, always egging me on and eager to hear more. Real-Life Ted was monosyllabic and straight-faced. I couldn't imagine being comfortable enough to ever want to kiss him. And I wondered:

Is the internet killing my dating life instead of reinvigorating it?

In the old days (read: 1980s), men would have been forced to meet a woman like me in social settings and ask me out in person if we both felt a connection. But that doesn't happen now. Now, we look for someone who is compatible with us on paper and then we try to force a spark when there isn't one there. It makes for some very awkward positions. What do you do when the guy you found on paper isn't the guy who shows up at the bar? Do you tell him right away, "Hey, you're terrific and I sure did have a good time emailing you... but I'm just not sensing the right chemistry here." Or do you keep putting that off, thinking that maybe he really IS the same guy you saw on paper but it takes him awhile (a month? two months?) to warm up? At what point do you tell him, "You're not who I thought you might be"?

I think it was clear to both Ted and I that we didn't have the right connection. But I'm not sure it was clear to Jared, who took me out last night. That was our third date, and we could be next door neighbors for the level of politeness we display to each other. He is maybe the sweetest guy I've ever met. And as Laura points out tirelessly, he has a great job, great car, great pet Great Dane (I can't help it, I'm a sucker), and he's very cute. I just don't feel any sparks. Every time I'm with him, it is painfully obvious and I feel so badly knowing that I've got to tell him at some point and that he'll likely be disappointed (he brought me flowers last night. we had champagne to celebrate my new job!) But I just honestly don't feel the connection!

Side note: I didn't feel ANY connection with Nick From New York when we first met 2 years ago, either. It took a long time being friends for that interest to develop.

I think this is where it helps that I'm watching The Bachelorette. She seems to be pretty decent at cutting guys loose if it's best for them and for her. I tried to point this similarity out to Laura, who grudgingly agreed, but then felt compelled to state, "Well I HAVE had chemistry with a lot of guys who ended up being complete losers. So maybe no sparks is just fine!" Maybe. But I can't seem to convince my heart.

And in any case, if the internet is undermining my dating ability, at least reality TV is helping it.