Tomorrow shouldn't be called my birthday. It should be called my Deathday. Because that is what it feels like. The day my dreams of carving pumpkins with Dan and going to the Art Fair with Dan and watching the Balloon Glow with Dan and biking to the wineries for my birthday with Dan all go up in smoke. Why? Because Dan is a fantastic man, and wouldn't break up with me on my birthday. In fact, he works really hard to hang in there and doesn't give up on people easily. I knew this but I could tell something was really wrong, and that he didn't want to bring it up right before my birthday. So I broke up with him. Then he felt free to say the following: "You are an amazing, incredible woman. You are LITERALLY everything I've prayed for, and to say that I fell head over heels for you would be a big understatement. But you are deep and emotional, and I'm not comfortable with that. I'm a straightforward, call-it-like-I-see-it kind of guy, and I know I would not only make you unhappy in the long run, but I would be forced to act like someone I'm not. I think so highly of you and have nothing but good things to say about you, but it doesn't seem like our personalities really match."
And that was it. I'm really sad now. I held it all together at school until 3 o'clock and then I started bawling my eyes out and I cried out, "Why are You doing this, Lord? I thought You were finally bringing me the right guy!" And then I looked up to see BJ Parkington still sitting at his desk finishing a quiz. FAIL. Deathday fail.
6 comments:
"You are deep and emotional, and I'm not comfortable with that."
I don't understand how these are traits to avoid in a person. Did you conversely feel he wasn't deep enough or emotional enough for you?
One time I shed like two tears because he got really annoyed with me for asking questions during a movie he had seen before. He was so disgusted.
Whoa. Remember during Midnight In Paris how I had to ask you a question every scene about who everybody was? Thanks for not raging out and making me cry.
Yeah, well. In a perfect world, I guess I would fall in love with the guy-next-door-in-Utah and we would talk our way through a million movies. But this is reality and I have never seen the level of complete disgust and revulsion that I saw on Dan's face when he saw that I had shed a few tears. It was like he was so repulsed by my emotions that he couldn't even be in the same room as me. I've never seen anything like it. No, that's not true. My mom used to look at me like that. But she would come straight out and tell me that she didn't like me. He just waited for ME to break up with him so that he could feel relieved.
That wouldn't be a perfect world - because I've read this blog enough to know that I'm (1) too emotionally stable, (2) have too much confidence, (3) am not turned off enough by your virginity, (4) too communicative, (5) am not easily enough offended, and (6) have too full a head of hair to make it into the ranks of The Princess & The Frogs. Reality is what keeps this blog running. And frogs, of course.
dang! Thanks for calling me out on my apparent inability to spot emotionally unavailable men. It's so depressing. But you know what's even more depressing? Anyone I date at this point is already divorced or insanely socially awkward (hence, never married). It's really sad when you get to the point where you start saying, "That guy seems nice... oh wait, he's wearing a wedding ring...well, maybe it won't work out." I mean seriously. I'm a terrible person.
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