Requirements:
6'+ Otherwise my mother will purse her lips and sigh
Fully loaded head of hair so my mother does not grimace and make tsk-ing sounds, both behind and in front of your back
Clean-shaven so that my ex-Marine Corps father will not immediately write you off
No wait, full beard so that Sister #1 does not immediately write you off
Stable career with excellent credentials so that my Financial Advisor brother will not extoll advice to me about how I need to make better choices concerning whom I date
Must vote Democrat so that Sister #2 --who legally changed her name to Bonsai and joined a commune -- takes you seriously... or rather, so that you can take her seriously
Scratch that. Must vote Republican or you will never hear the end of it when you come to dinner at my parents' house
Must willingly endure a meal at my parents' house one time per month. Also, must either forego alcohol altogether or cheerfully accept the label "alcoholic" from both mother and father (I've chosen the latter option myself)
A complete aversion to any and all physical contact with me will ensure that my father does not try to shoot you, either with his eyes or with his .357 magnum
Must be manly enough (ie, flannel, work boots, muscles) that my grandmother will not later inform me she thinks you may be a homosexual
Must like parrots whose sole claim to fame is the ability to mimic a smoke detector and blow out your eardrums
If this sounds like you, fantastic. Let's meet up after church.
14 comments:
Response #1:
Wow good luck with that lol, I'm fit but older, sorry
Response #2:
I am 6'3"
A full head of hair although there is salt and pepper in it. Your mother will sigh because I'm an older man (41 actually)
I have a goatee-type thing and hate to shave as it is. I DO have a pair of Marine Corps issue boots that I wear for work though and my sister is dating a retired Marine. I've had the goatee since before it was cool, went out of style, came back into style, and eh..I just don't care if it's not in style any more. I feel naked without it!
Fairly stable career though it does depend on the weather in this crazy part of the country. I hope your brother isn't a banker because I want some of that free money the government lent out a few years ago :p I own a small lawn care and landscaping business which should appease your liberal sister but also put your father at ease because I don't care for hippies and I have a clean cut haircut!
Parents usually love me...or the ones that I met have. Actually most of them wondered why I was dating their daughter. Hey, do me proud and I'll do the same by you ;) We'll just have a few drinks before having dinner at their place :D
Church? I was thinking the local Christian Singles Poker Night or a lemonade stand thats usually up and running somewhere around St Francis Park. Do you know how many damned churches there are around there?!?!?!?
I'm an Independent as far as party concerns go. Personally? I don't like any of them. Ha!
Response #3:
Omg. Best add ever!
So here we go. I will wear 4 inch combat boots. The boots for dad. And to reach the heights for mom.. I will put my George bush button ( the one of him looking like the guy from Mad Magazine) and pin it on my kill Obama shirt. That should confuse sister number 2. And I will trim my beard up just right. Just so sister number 1 loves the rustic side. And yet clean enough that pops will know that I know how to use a razor. At which time I will let dad show me to propper way to clean my AR-15. That will sidetrack him long enough for me to make out with you in front of grandma. Just to re-assure her that I am definatly not gay... Whoa. I think I have this covered. Is it time for that family dinner now? LOL
Response #4:
Very nicely done...
Response #5:
Thanks for making me smile
(This guy sent me a picture of himself sitting on a mountain, smiling)
Response #6:
You are bipolar fun, eh?
If I miss you at Saint James'...
the "after church" party manana is on/at the Rio Mississippi--
You could bring your attitude!
I like it already.
Would love to see you in the Sonshine, where you can pickup some Hope & Faith, & your Vitamin D.
(tell me you got that!)
RSVP this back & I will send you a hook-up # to connect for yak & directions.
Response #7:
LMFAO!, thought your ad was the funiest thing I have ever read on CL. Great Job :-)
Response #8:
Haha! Just wanted to email you because I found your post highly entertaining. I wish you the best of luck with all that!
Response #9:
Why don't you try and find what makes YOU happy instead of trying to please your family?
Response #10:
Basically you're looking for someone to please everyone else. But what do u want?! It's your life!
Response #11:
Well hey there. Just saw your profile and wanted to say hi. I'm Chris, hope to maybe chat.
Response #12:
I would have asked you out, but I saw your picture and you're a little too short for me, plus your skin tone is a little grey. You should get outside more often and get some better color.
You are kinda cute, so you should have no trouble meeting a good guy.
Response #13:
I'm not the droid you are looking for, I just wanted to say that your ad is really funny and clever.
haha this is my fav. part: Must willingly endure a meal at my parents' house one time per month. Also, must either forego alcohol altogether or cheerfully accept the label "alcoholic" from both mother and father (I've chosen the latter option myself)
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