And Then There Were None

I apologize to all my fans for the lack of posts, but Myrtle the Thousand Year Old Computer doesn't let me post more than once a month ;)

To pick up our story where we last left off, I met Brad for drinks at a cafe near work. Brace yourselves.

It was the best first date of my entire life. Sparks. Nonstop conversation. Alcohol induced flirting. It was perfect. In fact, when Christy got home, I ran out into the garage in my pajamas to tell her just how great our date was. There hadn't been any awkward pauses, we liked all the same things... I couldn't have written a better first date.

Then Brad left for Costa Rica at 4 a.m.

And when he came back... nothing.

No, really. He called me and asked me out, and I said -- bubbly and excited -- "Great! What do you have in mind?" It was all downhill from there.

Brad had nothing in mind. He hadn't thought that far in advance, so we ended up going out for happy hour AGAIN after work. The second time, we had zero sparks. No, really. There was nothing there. I tried to ask him about Costa Rica, I tried to ask him about his week... he was a lump on a log. Then he gave me the line about liking to be friends with people before becoming serious.

We can see where this is going, no?

When we walked back to our cars, I barely saw the point in giving him a hug goodbye. I knew I'd seen the last of him!

And I wondered, what is it that causes things that start out so great to just fizzle out? Isn't that supposed to happen 7-12 years into marriage? Surely not on a 2nd date!

So, I was surprised when Brad called me about a week later and asked him out again. But I said yes, absolutely, because -- after all -- anybody can have an off day, and I knew there was potential for chemistry. But I was unwilling to let Brad pick the 3rd date because I was tired of bars at happy hour. So I suggested he teach me how to paint something: a flower, say, or a tree. Brad was very excited. I also invited him to a free happy hour my friend won on a local radio station, and he said he would be there.

Which is why it is all so very odd that Brad called at 10:09 a few nights later and left me a lame voicemail cancelling our date because of "plans with a buddy." And other than an even lamer follow-up text to make sure I'd gotten the lame voicemail, I never heard from Brad again.

But he did just post about a million pictures of himself with a cute blond chick on facebook this evening. Clearly, the buddy.

I just finished a book called Have Him At Hello. In it, a Harvard MBA documents her findings after interviewing over one thousand guys who never called women back for a 2nd or 3rd date. In many cases she spent an hour per man conducting these "Exit Interviews" and finding out what the women could have done differently to get that call-back.

It was things like: don't EVER refer to an ex, even by "my ex" or "we" or "our"
Wear a girly skirt or dress because men like nurterers
Grow your hair out
Don't refer to any kind of an illness, even to say that you beat it and it made you a stronger person

... and other things of that nature. Important to note: the author wasn't trying to make women be someone they're not, but rather to let them PORTRAY the image that won't raise any red flags for men on 1st or 2nd dates so that we'll eventually GET to tell them who we really are.

She gave the example that she consumes about 16 Diet Dr Peppers a day. She once revealed this on a first date, thinking it was cute and funny. But since the guy didn't know her, he just thought it showed an obsessive and weird nature. He told all his friends about Dr Pepper girl and never asked her out again. She said the point is not to change her Dr Pepper habits, but to judiciously not reveal too much information until a guy has had a chance to really see how amazing she is in other areas.

Men, this author said, are LOOKING to eliminate women from their dating pool, not to "find" the right one. They've got literally millions of online profiles at their beck and call and in order to be less overwhelmed, they want to get rid of as many girls as possible, as soon as possible. So when you reveal that you drink an insane amount of carbonated prune juice, the guy thinks, "obsessive and crazy, FINISHED." When you wear sexy jeans instead of a ruffled skirt, he thinks, "sleazeball, FINISHED." Ergo, the goal is to get you to the 5th and 6th and 7th date where your amazing personality comes through and your little quirks and weirdnesses can be put more in perspective.

Too bad I didn't read this book before my 2nd date with Brad.... I'm pretty sure I broke all of them. Well. Here's to the next one.