You're a Great Guy, But....

My Boys is one of my favorite shows. The witty banter. The gathering of dudes. The complete lack of estrogen. Ahhhhhhh. The only real "female" in the show is the main character's best friend Stephanie. She wrote a book called You're a Great Guy, But. I think it was a celebration of women or something. Doesn't really matter. What matters is, the title stuck with me.

As I say goodbye to my 20's, I feel a lot more pragmatic about my personal life. I feel more grounded. Happier with where I am and who I am (please note: this does not carry over to my professional life; I still HATE that). I don't feel like I need someone else to be happy. I'm certainly not as willing as I once was to put up with other people's crap. I'm a lot ballsier. I think my attitude now is, "You don't like me? That's fine. I don't like you that much either. And there's hella guys in line after you." And wouldn't you know it, when I finally arrived at this stage of enlightenment, the heavens opened and I finally caught a damn bouquet at a wedding (although if anyone asks, I only wanted one because I wanted to WIN).

I attended the wedding with Derek, who I'm afraid it must be noted, has never had a relationship lasting longer mere months in his 30 years on earth. Would you like to know how I found this out? Because on our THIRD date, Derek tried to "define the relationship." Those of you who attended Christian colleges and universities will know exactly what I mean when I looked at him -- utterly appalled -- and said, "You've got to be kidding me. Are you really trying to have the DTR on our third date? When we've known each other 2 weeks?"

He didn't know the DTR terminology, so I painstakingly outlined how it was universally understood by Christians in their 20s that at some point in a relationship, one or the other participant would want to nail things down and would therefore initate the Define The Relationship talk.

Derek was embarassed. "I don't know what's supposed to come next! I just know I like you and I'm going to put this out here and be honest with you: I want to spend as much time with you as possible before I go back to Massachusetts for my last semester of grad school. There. I said it."

I said, "Okay. Thank you for your honesty. I appreciate it. I am still a little freaked out that you need to know where things are going with me after 2 1/2 dates. I'm having fun right now. I like where I am. I'm definitely not ready to nail things down or be exclusive with anyone."

He said, "That's fine, I get that. Now I feel dumb. I don't know what's supposed to come next! I haven't done this before."

I looked at him, dumbstruck. "What do you mean you haven't 'done this' before? When was your last long-term relationship?"

Never.

That's right, never. His longest-lasting relationship was 5 mos and ended 4 years ago. Stupidly, I didn't ask WHY he's never dated anyone longer than 5 months.

Fast forward to the weekend of Sam's wedding. After we got back into town, I let him come over to my parents' house for my dad's birthday. I know you're thinking that was a crazy move, but my brother bailed on the party and Derek's the same height, so I figured he could stand in. Everything went well until Derek went to the bathroom and my mom hissed, "We are TRYING to set you up with KEVIN here!!!!!!"

Who is KEVIN, you ask? He's my dad's 27-year-old employee, who conveniently showed up to a family birthday party with 5 gallons of icecream.

So there we were: Mom, Dad, Kevin, Derek, and I. Brilliant.

We muddled our way through an evening together. Kevin monopolized the conversation, which is good because the rest of us were a bit awkward and he's a good talker. Eventually, Derek and I were able to leave. He swore to support me despite my crazy family. Clearly, the competitor in him was determined to oust Kevin at all costs. Isn't that nice? I'm starting to get warm fuzzies.

So we went shopping for "grown-up clothes" because he dresses like a 5-year-old, and I finally admitted to Derek that -- despite my initial reticence -- I really liked him. In fact, I told him that I missed him already, even though he wasn't gone. Derek insisted that he wasn't leaving for school for another week, and that even then, it was only a matter of being there a few months. Everything would be fine.

And that was the last I saw of Derek, folks.

Let this be a lesson to all my readers: Despite their loud cries to the contrary, men love games. They love the thrill of the chase. They love the idea of a girl who is being asked out by her co-workers, her friends, the guys she runs into at the pool, her dad's employees. They, even more than I, enjoy WINNING. Once they've won, it's pretty much old hat.

It's okay. Yeah, I liked him, but like I said, I'm pretty okay with where I am in my life right now. I'm not as willing to put up with guys' sh!t as I used to be. Maybe I'm older. Maybe I'm wiser. Or maybe all these damn frogs have driven the hope right out of me ;)

Stones

Recently, I went on a date. Actually, I went on lots of dates, but this blog post is concerned with only one of them. Some of you may recall my blog of bygone years, coffeespoon300. In it, I chronicled my trek through graduate school with Leila, Dana, and Jessica, amongst other things. You may recall reading about the many men who took up our thoughts at the time. Chief amongst those was a guy we'll call Derek. Leila was crazy about him and the rest of us listened to and dissected his every move from a distance as Leila reported them all to us.

"He asked me to come over and watch the game! What do you think that means?"

or

"He gave me flowers! I think this is it!"

Alas, nothing ever came of the games or the flowers. Leila graduated and moved off to New Jersey with someone else and none of us ever heard from her again. I forgot all about Derek.

Until 3 Sundays ago when I ran into him at a church I was visiting with my friend and her husband. As we walked past him on our way out, I called out a friendly hello. He seemed taken aback when I said his name. All right, so it has been 4 years since we met.

As Ava, Rick and I stood chatting in the church foyer before going our separate ways, Derek walked up to us and boldly interruped.

"Excuse me. You said hello to me just now by name, but I don't know your name. Have we met?"

That was ballsy, blog readers. Most guys wouldn't interrupt a princess talking with her friends just to say that he didn't know her name. Derek gained back some of the respectability points he lost when he was non-dating Leila.

"Sure. I'm Elle, Leila's friend. I also know your mother."

By the time I'd gotten home, I had a friend request from Derek. In a matter of days, he asked me out.

He gained several more respectability points at that juncture. Most of the guys I know don't have the stones to just ask a girl out, especially right after they meet her. It's a subject frequently discussed by the single women I know. In fact, even as I type this, I'm reminded of one man who has been flirting with me for the past 5 or 6 weeks and is still no closer to asking me out because, "I don't know if I like you!" Grow some balls, brother. That's the point of a date. Now cowboy up and ask for it (date, not balls).